1. i lost

    the perfect highscool realtionship with the best and most perfect boy who treated me like a princess because i got caught up in everything else and everyone around me. i wanted to have fun… guess who’s the fool now?

  2. please know i’m trying

    trying to make something out of nothing.

  3. it’s not enough to say i’m sorry

    i don’t know what else to say. i don’t know how else to let all my emotions spill out. no one understands how i feel inside right now, i don’t even understand. i want to make things better, but i don’t know how much more i can give. i’m slowly seeing the end. i’m not seeing you in my future anymore. not because i don’t want you there, but because i don’t know how to get you back in it. i don’t know what else there is for me to do to prove to you that i care. my head is spinning around crazy. i haven’t been able to get this off my mind for days. i think ‘m begining to know what i want. after all these months of confusion and hurt, i’ve got myself figured out. but how about you? what do you want? not me anymore.you don’t want anything to do with me. you want a break… we were on break for four fucking months. four fucking months of me not waking up and being able to call you mine.. i can’t do this anymore. i can’t fucking do this.

  4. how hard it is to make it look so easy.

    there’s no one else to point the finger at this time. no one else to sit there and tell that i fucked up. you know i did. we both know all this alittle bit too well. it makes me sick to think that i can’t be with you. that i can’t bring myself to feeling the same way that i felt about you for over a year. i don’t know how to say how i feel, to write without making it hurt. everything is going to hurt. everything is going to make me second guess loosing you, and overthinking the times when i still had you. i hate the way that i feel. i hate it and love it at the same time. i feel so good about my decisons sometimes, when i have a good night and tons of stories to tell. but then i realize, i have no one to sit there and share them with. nmy best friend was you, and you are gone. this is the hardest thing that i ever had to deal with. and yet, the pain still isn;t compellty over.

  5. careymarie:

    my best friend; prom 2012 <3

  6. fuck everythinggg.

    i don;t think that i’ve been this fucked up since 8th grade and the start of highschool/ my head is moving in a thousand different directions. i’m cutting everything off. i just can’t deal with this anymore.

  7. couldn&#8217;t ever figure out how to love.

    couldn’t ever figure out how to love.

  8. feeelingssuck.

    i’m trying to figure out how i feel. can i do that without the entire human popualtion watching me? and judgeing me? and thinking that they know me? because no of you know anything, not even my closest friends. they know what i say, what i tell them. not what goes ramped through my mind. not what keeps me up until 3am every other ngiht because my thoughts run through my head too fast that i can’t even figure out why i’m thinking in thye first place. don’t you dare sit there and give me that look, that look that you know how i feel. because you don’t. no one knows how i feel. no one knows how hard everything is on me right now and how i’m trying to cover myself up and run away from the world. i thought prom was going to make everything fall into place and i’d truly relaize what the hell i wanted. but i have bad feelings about all this, about all this time that i’ve now wasted. can someone please tell me where i went wrong? was it when i first met you? when we first started this whole teenage romanice that has both of us so fucked up that we don’t know what we want or where we stand? or was it the faults and mistakes we made along the way? the heartache? the tears? the me being sick of putting my everything into a relationship that waas just going to turn around and bite me in the ass? i hate feeling like this; even this is the only way i’ve been feelings anymore.

  10. i can’t

    you have no idea how much i want to go back in time right now, and change this. but i can’t. i don’t have a stupid time machine that will go back and help my heart feel just a little bit better. but that’s okay, i guess. everything in life happens for a reason. i’m strong, and i can overcome this. yes, right now it hurts so bad, but it has been hurting this bad for months. whats worse then dragging out this pain? i’m facing it now. i’m facing the fact that i’m over you. that my stomach doesn’t jump and get those stupid fucking butterflies when you kiss my neck or tell me that you love me. forever is over. it’s been fucking over. and while the tears flood out of my eyes, down my cheek, hitting on the keyboard like broken glass, i AM okay. i WILL BE okay. whats done is done, i’m sick of hurting you. i’m sick of forcing things and being miserable. i’m sick of lying. my heart simply isnt there anyone.. and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry for breaking your heart. you have been the best thing ever, you have made me into this strong girl that i am today without even trying. your smile can light up a room full of people and i’ll never forget anything that we went through or all the moments that we shared. but i can’t keep hurting you and me like this. i just can’t..

  11. honestly, my heart and my mind went blank.

    i have nothing left to say to you.. that’s where these past two years have left us. i’m turning off my phone for the rest of the night, and going to bed, that is if i can even fall asleep. i’m done with running back and crying because of how much this is hurting me… how much i am hurting myself. mybe i;ve always been addicted to some sort of pain. thats what it feels like. i can’t deal with this, me pulling you in all over again over and over is fucking KILLING me. i can;t. i have to put my foot down. if me pushing you away for this long didn’t make you stray, maybe now it will. i’m done feeling speechless and having my heart in a billion pieces. i’m finally done with you.

  12. whats the deal with you and mitch, i have been hearing alot of stuf and it makes me really mad because you and mitch are so cute and i really think you should be with him. he seems like such a nice guy and you guys are the cutiesst couple i have ever seen. so i would drop that one kid just like he droped out of high school and be with the one you were ment to be with.
    Anonymous

    thanks for all the advice, but i think i know my relationship with someone better then you do. i’m not with mitch right now because i can’t be. but thats none of your business. i’m happy. thanks for your concern though :)

  13. careymarie: why do you gotta make me keep wanting you.

    careymarie:

    why do you gotta make me keep wanting you.

  15. Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over, but had me believing it was always something that I’d done, but I don’t wanna live that way reading into every word you say you said that you could let it go and I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know ;

About me

moving onto new things, and better people. this is where i escape. if you don't like it, don't read it. my intention in life was never to please everyone.